I post something here from my novel The Merchant King.
Ehud Friedman, the prime minister of Is-Real reacts to the formation of a new nation.
Happy reading...
As the news flashed around the world, editors took notice. New King, New Miserabilia King, A Nation is Born, Nation at Midnight, Visionary Leader, headlines screamed in big fonts.
Singapore was both amused and alarmed at the news. “Is Raygistan a new rival?” The Singaporean Prime Minister posed the question to his foreign advisors, who calmed such concern by pointing out Raygistan’s location on the map in the Indian Ocean.
Singapore wondered if the new nation that did not know whether it was in Asia or Africa could be a friend or a foe. In Singapore’s final analysis, Raygistan was declared as an export destination. No friend or foe, but a buyer of goods and services.
In the nation of Is-Real, whose original name was Is-Real-Or-Not? when it was launched more than 40 years ago, there was consternation in the cabinet.
“If these Neolandians want Raygistan to be their new ally, we are out of business,” Prime Minister Ehud Friedman said in the emergency meeting. Friedman was a former veteran army general who shot to fame for shooting a group of prisoners of war.
“Haven’t these Neolandians learnt anything from the past? They put their interests in Shah’s pocket and Mullahs came and picked the Shah’s pocket. Call the Mostsad chief, he must have something on Falcon,” Friedman thundered before his cabinet minions.
“General, our friends from the Senate were at the Uhlalaland party where Falcon had for the first time spoken about Raygistan,” Intelligence Minister Thomas Lieberman proffered some information.
“First things first. Colonel, don’t ever call me General. I am a politician now. And what else do you know, bugger?” Friedman demanded. Total frankness with each other was the way of life for Is-Real’s politicians.
“Then first things first to you as well, prime minister. Don’t call me Colonel, I won the election with more votes than you did, so screw you! On your point about Raygistan, yes, Neolandia thinks Is-Real has become a liability,” Lieberman spat out more details.
“Bullshit!” Friedman spat in a spittoon that was kept nearby because of his habit of spitting every time he felt disgusted with himself, which was quite often.
“Minister, tell our friends we take a grim view of this new nation. Remind them we have 300 nuclear knobs. When we were launched people called us ‘Is-Real-or-Not?’ Then they just called us ‘Is-Real?’ and when they realised what weapons we got they dropped the question mark. We now put question marks on others, hahahahahahahaha!”
Friedman often went into dramatic speeches during cabinet meetings.
“What’s so funny, Prime Minister?” Lieberman asked.
“Oh, I am thinking about the next phase in our nationhood when we’ll be Is-Realty,” replied Friedman, prompting Lieberman to dish out more information on Raygistan.
“Prime Minister, looks like Raygistan is a new scheme of globalization. Our Big Bucks friends are in it. You know that Putchinsky? He is on this scheme as well.”
“Minister, make sure it is all about money, nothing more than money. Raygistan with its own military will be a game- changer. Sorry, chaps, we need no more rivals.”
Friedman dismissed the meeting with that remark.
In Kindom, they sent a cable of congratulations to the new King. They were happy that a new absolute monarchy had been set up after the transformation of a tribal clan into a royal family. Kindom soon became the first to open its embassy in Raygistan.
Neolandians had their consultants and military but no proper embassy. The Neolandian embassy had to be properly secured on a strategic site. When things go bad, Neolandia’s diplomatic missions become the favorite targets for political activists, feminists, environmentalists, salacious journalists, students, trade unionists, mobs, terrorists. Their causes may be at odds with each other, Neolandia does mange to rile a lot of disparate groups all the time.
In Europe, Purgia, the first among Old World Leaguers (Owls), was furious when the news broke that a new nation has been formed in the undefined Miserabilian-African territory. Didn’t Purgia make it clear to big powers that nothing in Africa must be done without its arbitration? Neolandians argued in their defense that Raygistan was not clearly defined so those Owlish tantrums were not very nice.
Purgian officials were also furious at their journalists for missing the news that mattered so much. The government offered its warship, the Mouse Cheese Vessel to journalists to reach Raygistan but the Neolandians cautioned them not to enter Raygistan’s territorial waters without permission.
“Drop off your journalists in international waters on our boat. Raygistanis do not want any foreign forces other than us. They are pretty paranoid about any violation of their sovereignty right now,” Captain Timothy, one of the officers in charge of the Scarecrow warship, advised the Purgians.
The Purgian press filed several dispatches on the situation in Raygistan, but it could not secure an interview with King Falcon. This did not stop Purgian reporter, Bernard Bernaudet, from posing as an Englishman in the hope of a more sympathetic hearing. But when his cover was blown, he suffered a severe insult. The King became so angry at being deceived that he decided to administer instant justice. He removed his white shoe from his left foot with the left hand and hit the Purgian on his right cheek.
The insult was too grave to be broadcast to the Purgian public. An angry President Jean Pierre declared Purgia would not recognize Raygistan as an independent nation at the U.N. till its geographical location was cleared of all ambiguities. If Raygistan is African then it must join Purge Africa, an alliance of African nations under Purgian patronage.
Unlike the Purgian president, Westminster Witch in London knew what was going on. Neolandia had kept her in the loop about everything. But London-based journalists had not taken it kindly that Neolandia’s Yackety-Yack had monopolised the news of such significance.
Susan Swan, editor of Printfury, Yackety-Yack’s formidable global rival, flew into an uncontrollable rage. “Neolandians have fucked us royally. How about fucking them back?”
She soon gathered her team of ace reporters, people with languages skills in Arabic, Purgian, Hindi, Swahili, Farsi, Turkish and with access to high-level political sources.
“Find out all you can on King Falcon and his kingdom,” Susan Swan said in her stern message to the assembled reporters.
No one captured the development as presciently as a Yemeni journalist. He had been briefed about the King’s thinking by a local merchant who was present during the swearing-in ceremony of King Falcon. His prescient passage read: “A Nimrod is born again. Is he going to retry to create the Tower of Babel? Falcon is the new god-king. Look out for the signs of Babylon in the sky.”
Printfury’s journalists flew to Raygistan from London, benefiting from the direct service provided by British Fly. The new King had banned the use of the beach to airline girls, whose antics in bikinis were believed to have caused his father to behave irrationally, making Nasir no longer fit to lead his people. The girls had heard stories about how Falcon became king. Staying at the same hotel used by the airline crew, Printfury’s journalists were able to glean salacious gossip.
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